1. Murphy, S. A., Johnson, C., & Lohan, J. (2003). Challenging the myths about parents' adjustment after the sudden, violent death of a child. Journal of Nursing Scholarship, 35, 359-64☆

Article Outline

 

The death of a child is devastating to a parent. Violent, sudden death, from suicide, homicide, or an accident, has increased in adolescents and young adults over the past 20 years. A number of myths have emerged, particularly in the media, about how parents respond to the violent death of a child. A myth is defined as “a belief whose truth or reality is accepted uncritically.” The purpose of this study was to clarify three common myths surrounding violent deaths by carrying out a comprehensive review of data from the literature and from a longitudinal study. The longitudinal study involved following 173 parents of 12- to 28-year-old children who died from violent deaths for up to 5 years after the child's death.

Myth 1: A child's death by suicide results in the worst parental outcomes.

This myth implies that the cause of a child's death influences a parent's response, and that suicide has the most intense and longest lasting negative impact on parents. Review of research indicated that parents of children who died from suicide did not have more negative consequences than parents whose children died from other causes except in one area. Parents of suicide victims had higher levels of grief compared to parents of children who died from other causes. Trauma symptoms, physical status, and acceptance of death did not differ significantly among groups of parents whose children died from a variety of causes.

Myth 2: Divorce is more common among bereaved than nonbereaved couples.

Parents who experience the death of a child are often thought to be at greater risk for marital problems and divorce. In this article, however, the authors reviewed more than 100 studies and found only two controlled studies in which parents who had experienced the death of a child had statistically higher divorce rates than the general population.

Myth 3: “Letting go and moving on” is an essential bereavement task.

Professionals working with parents who have experienced the death of a child often support the use of “grief work” to help the family cope with the loss. This process involves cognitive and emotional processes that include facing the loss, remembering the child, letting go of the attachment to the deceased child, adapting to life without the child and establishing new relationships and interests. Society also expects parents to adjust and move on in a relatively short time period, possibly because it's difficult for others to deal with the child's death. However, this is not what parents want, and professionals who feel that the healthiest response is for parents to move on may discourage parents from expressing their true feelings.

Research with parents has shown that the parent-child bond remains strong, in spite of the child's death, and that parents want to maintain this bond in some way, even while others advise them to move on. Parents frequently try to do something to keep their child's memory alive, by displaying pictures, giving the child's belongings to specific people who cared about the child, setting up scholarships, and other activities. Many families find comfort in support groups with other parents who understand their experience. It becomes important for parents to somehow establish a way to maintain the bond they have with their deceased child. As the authors note, it appears that parents do not have to let go in order to move on.